Extreme Power Tools? Extreme Cock more likely!

Today saw the commencement of Operation Cabin Bed.  My kids needed new beds and the youngest daughter wants one of these high cabin bed things with the desk and everything underneath.  So we looked into it and tried not to faint at the ridiculous price they were going for.  I know wood is expensive and all but some of the prices were crazy............ and way out of our price range!  After much discussion we figured it would be much cheaper if we could buy the timber needed and make it ourselves.  Cue the next few hours drawing and re-drawing of plans and discussing sizes and styles.  The big mistake was involving aforementioned daughter in design plans.  You'd think involving her would be the right thing to do but she has a wild imagination with big ideas that sound great in theory but she kind of forgets that we're normal people with limited skills and cashflow!  She also forgets that doing something (such as sitting in a cramped position) once or twice every so often is way different to doing something all the time.

Anyway, having looked at her current bed, considered the salvageable parts and worked out the difference between what she wants and needs, we finally came to a decision on what to do and how much timber we'd need to actually buy.  Naturally, it's not just the timber.  The right tools to do the job are a must - according to my long suffering partner anyway!  Apparently the little black and decker mouse sander we have is insufficient for such a task!  We need a proper belt sander, a planer and a power screwdriver.  We're not talking just little things - we're talking 'decent' ones!  Hmmmmmm.............. Boys and their toys come to mind!

After much searching and discovering that a 'decent' power tool can prove to be expensive, we finally came across some reasonably priced, highly recommended (if the customer reviews are to be believed) tools that would supposedly do the job.  A little shopping spree to Argos soon delivered the 'necessary' tools!  We are now the proud owners of a series of Challenge "Extreme" Tools.  Extreme? Seriously?   It would appear that certain warnings are missing from the instructions.  Warnings such as:

• Not adviseable for use by men who already have a large penis as further enlargement is unlikely.
• Only to be used by men who have the ability to say "Fuck Yeah!" on every rotation of the drill/sander/planer and really mean it.
• It is adviseable to wear a tight fitting vest and shorts when using these products to ensure the best possible performance.
• Not to be used by women.  They have knitting and wool to play with.

Huh!  Extreme?  What, they take you to the very limit do they? 

Does Sanding down a piece of wood leave you full of adrenaline rush and unable to take any more? 

Does planing down wood with a whole load of electric power leave you on the edge and in danger of falling off?

Does the act of putting in a screw leave you shaking uncontrollably?  

I think not.  Exteme?  My Arse!  They're ordinary, run of the mill electrically enhanced tools that help take the strain out of doing it by hand.  For all you men out there, looking to buy something to make life easier - They're NOT Extreme! 

Definition of extreme:

ex·treme

   /ɪkˈstrim/ Show Spelled [ik-streem] Show IPA adjective, ex·trem·er, ex·trem·est, noun adjective

1. of a character or kind farthest removed from the ordinary or average: extreme measures.

2. utmost or exceedingly great in degree: extreme joy.

3. farthest from the center or middle; outermost; endmost: the extreme limits of a town.

4. farthest, utmost, or very far in any direction: an object at the extreme point of vision.

5. exceeding the bounds of moderation: extreme fashions.

Power tools do NOT come under this category!  Deal with it!